cheapbag214s |
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Joined: 27 Jun 2013 |
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Location: England |
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Even Atheists Get the Blues
Unfortunately, that's a statement I cannot make honestly. I don't know what happened. My wife and I had just finished dinner -- a relatively inexpensive $18 vegetarian sushi dinner -- whenever we took stock of our evening. Dog had been walked, fed, wrestled, loved. Projects have been started, neglected, resumed, abandoned. It had been too soon for the netherworld of my late night writing to commence; it had been past too far to commit to a film. Out of character, we did what we should are nurtured by our corporate masters to do: we went shopping.
On the surface, our decision could be interpreted as responsible, even frugal. We don't practice any particular winter tradition and then we had not spent much throughout the holidays, save for Sea Monkeys contributed to some secret Santa game. Neither people is a lot of a consumer, so aiming to a mall when the bulk of items are reduced to post-Christmas, recession-busting prices seems like an incredible opportunity for two economizers to buy some highly utilitarian items. Gruel and paste and itching powders. Nothing fancy here.
Ennui quickly occur. We'd spent nearly 60 minutes in the mall -- Yorkdale, a fire-breathing monster of brand-speak -- and I had reached my limit. We'd done well, coupling a 40 per cent-off store-wide discount at American Eagle with a few 25 per cent-off cashier coupons, which resulted in me purchasing one $49.50 shirt for $23. I would sleep well tonight.
Unfortunately, a burglar tag within our one lonely bag kept leaving alarms, so while my spouse tried on bargain sale shoes, I departed in search of a retail expert at American Eagle to get rid of the offending tag.
And here, dear reader, is how the trouble starts.
You see, I like soft things. Pudding, duvets, Muppet hair. And I have one particularly soft and oh so fancy sweater that stands apart in my assortment of drab uniforms. It is a sparkling silver silk (it deserves all of the alliteration I can bestow) V-neck sweater from Banana Republic (read: Bangladesh). I've had it not less than 4 years, maybe seven, and that i do not know how I came to get it, but it is mine and you can't have it and that i put it on for every special day and on Tuesdays.
If you are in possession of a photo containing you and I, and we are not during my family room, chances are I am wearing the sweater.
Only, I spatter and trip and hug dirty puppies too much. I have pushed my luck through pierogi parties, drunken housewarmings and garage-studio homemade-wine sessions. I need a backup plan.
Maybe this guy might help. What's your company name,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], kind sir?
I texted my wife 4 times before I entered. I was scared and lost and scared three more times. I had been in over my head just considering the store. What does everything mean? How come everyone walking into it appear to be the privileged son of the oil baron? Plus, I've found the name Harry hilarious. You will find people, many individuals, named Harry. I wish to meet those parents who made that decision. They're comic geniuses.
And here's where it all visited Hell, capital Harry. Soft lighting. Mahogany table. A Half off sign. Soft sweaters. Inside a circle. Plenty of tables. Plenty of circles. Security guard. Need to prove I'm a legitimate shopper. Must. Choose sweater. So many colours. Different types of necks. Different types of soft. I swear I belong here. A lot of sweaters.
Jimmy, the store clerk, approaches me. Now I ought to tell you, I suppose instinctively that every sales clerk who has ever approached me in a clothing store understands two basic things about me:
But Jimmy, the sweater baron, is really as awkward in the poorly-ironed suit and I've-been-working-retail-for-10-straight-hours-and-26-straight-days attitude as I am during my shopping capacity. We don't seem like a Harry Rosen commercial. The next thing I know he's carting four sweaters, each worth a lot more than everything I'm currently wearing including my wedding ring (don't tell my wife), towards a big change room. Oh,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], things were about to change.
As I walked the long green mile to the room, led by Jimmy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], my own shopper, notes of Bobby De Niro as Sam Rothstein in Casino, summing up the peasant tastes of Lester Diamond, furtively danced i believe, trying to soothe me. "He doesn't understand what the f--- a good watch is." Yeah, I do not even know such a good sweater is! And just how much are these anyway? Half off! Maybe even half off half off? What's the worst, 80 bucks? C'mon,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that's a lot for any sweater but I'm making the large documentary dollars now. Deep breaths. Self-soothe.
In just a minute of genuine weakness, I even justified the sweaters being made in China -- something I attempt to limit during my wardrobe -- in that silkworms come from China, dummy! Only,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it's cashmere and perhaps more likely to be from a goat in Mongolia. I don't know. I didn't remember the room spinning this much earlier.
I then made the biggest mistake of my fiscal 2011 period: I attempted a sweater on. It was blue coupled with great pile and gorgeous ribbing along with other things people within the sweater industry rave about. I pulled it over my mussed hair, down overtop my $12 hipster T-shirt with the 100 vintage cameras utilized it, down overtop the body that did not want to be in a Harry Rosen change room and I slowly researched in the mirror.
Damn. That's one good looking sweater hanging from the ripped torso of 1 good looking man. I can't believe Father hasn't called me about whether I'm able to use the yacht this weeke---oh no, what was happening?
My spouse arrived, marvelled in the pile and the ribbing, but was surprised to locate I would buy something so expensive. Donna, the Aldo Shoes boot pusher, had something to do with that). No, it was happening. This blue cashmere sweater was going to be mine because both it and that i feel and look fantastic and that i would really like these feelings to last. I feel warmer in this sweater. Whether it's possible, I think I lost a pound in my midsection since i have pulled this sweater over my head. I'm absolutely attitudes will require to me more within this sweater. This sweater is really a fine purchase, possibly even something that can help the world. This sweater is really a job creator.
Jimmy, the messenger of Death, now walks me to the cash, and in a Verbal Kint-revealing-he's-Keyser Soze-esque blow to my ego, he confides within me, which is ver-freaking-batim,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "Must be nice in order to shop at Harry Rosen. I can't afford anything in here. Did you notice worthwhile sales anywhere else in the mall? I have to buy a few things."
Which was Jimmy, the guy I spent the next three minutes trying to convince I'm poorer than him.
Now I'm home. The sweater is relaxing in another room within the handsome bag that Jimmy, the professional liar,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], did a bang-up job assembling. I can not even bring myself to look at it. Somehow, in the barrier reef of my wife's Yorkdale bags, it appears a world apart, maybe nonexistent. Sigh. Somewhere a Mastercard executive is saying,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "See I said he wasn't a communist!"
But I can't spread blame. After two months from the mass-media proselytizing the merits of having stuff, I'm yet another little list-making child, responding to the stings from Santa's arrows and purchasing blue sweaters looking for fulfilment.
Thankfully, where after i was blind, now I see. And when I ever again bump into Jimmy, the guy I plan to bump into tomorrow, I might say something which goes like this: "What's your return policy?"
I have a excellent heavy wool sweater I purchased for 50 cents in a thrift store. It was on sale once the winter was ending plus they were making room tor the spring stuff. I acquired about 8 of them, they appeared as if the items that was priced excessive cause they were so nice so they didn't sell. I cheat myself on buying costly things in order to have money to purchase that computer that we use to try to persuade folks to reside by Our Creator's best moral values and also to try to discourage people from being Atheists.
Here is a thought that I hope slices that cognitive dissonance of yours: your new "expensive" "consumerist" sweater, the one you're oh so embarrassed about having purchased, will most likely last significantly longer compared to cheaper sweaters you're accustomed to buying. Just hand wash in cold water, lay dry to flat (and how energy-efficient is that?),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and don't put it on to fix the bike or bake bread.
"Conspicuous consumption" is a fancy method to say "irresponsible spending". A $225 sweater that withstands twenty years of standard wear is a more responsible purchase than the usual $50 sweater that wears out in 2 years,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
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