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Lavish costumes and panstick conceal a rather ordinary film
IF EVER a book cried out to be made into a film,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it was Arthur Golden's excellent Memoirs of a Geisha. The tale of Chiyo, the poor daughter of a fisherman from the Japanese provinces who is spirited to Kyoto to become a sake-pouring goddess, was a massive bestseller, and the elegant, highly theatrical world Golden described seemed perfect for lush reproduction on the big screen.
So have they done it justice? In the most crucial respect, no.
Golden's cunningly ornate prose had the realistic feel of a translation (more than one person thought it actually was a memoir), but in the mouths of the actresses here, sentences like, "I will lock away my heart and save it for him," just sound Mills-and-Boon stilted.
It's understandable that in a world of such stifling formality the characters would remain stoic,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but there is a glassy-eyed placidity to Ziyi Zhang's performance which makes Sayuri's (Chiyo's Geisha name) motivations that bit more difficult to grasp than they wereon paper.
Inexplicably in a film of this length, and one which takes its strength from its very "epic-ness", the final point in Sayuri's arc is left out. I was looking forward to seeing her as a kimono-clad old lady on the streets of New York - as happens in the book - but here a different ending prevents her from getting that far.
What Memoirs of a Geisha does very well is evoke that exotically halcyon world of painted faces,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], rustling silk and tea as theatre. It's as beautiful to look at as you would expect, given the subject matter. It's just a shame that beneath all the expensive costumes and white panstick there lurks such a very ordinary film.
CRAP movies starring pop stars are legion. Everyone from Elvis, to Diana Ross to dear old Madonna have stunk up the silver screen.
Maybe it's because, as Juliette Lewis (who managed to go the other way - from actress to pop star) put it, "Acting is about the subversion of the ego, singing is about its projection." Or maybe it's just easier to lip-synch. Either way, there wasn't much hope held out that rapper 50 Cent, of all people, would buck the trend. But then again we were wrong(ish) about Eminem. And his protege's life story, Get Rich or Die Tryin', was to be directed by none other than Jim Sheridan.
I hardly need to tell you the story. If you've heard one rapper's journey from urban ghetto to MTV,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you've heard them all. Marcus ('50') is left an orphan; he starts selling drugs to buy fancy sneakers, all the while honing his rhymes and dreaming of the big time. Along the way he has to do a stretch in prison and deal with a violent manager, and gets shot a few times, but we always know how the story ends.
Admittedly, anyone would have trouble saying things like, "Yo, I'm a gangsta,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], grandpa and proud of it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]," with passion or a straight face, but we can't blame all of 50's difficulties on a cheesy script. He manages the unlikely trick of being unbelievable while playing himself. We never get the sense that he is a great rapper or a worthy gangsta, and even his personal nadir - a prison warden throwing him a razor with which to kill himself - seems strangely unmoving. And because this is such a "vehicle", no amount of beautiful cinematography or strong supporting performances (Get Rich . . . has both) can make up for 50's failings.
There is a very good reason why the man didn't die and did get rich, but we are given scant glimpses of it. Sheridan clearly didn't want to make this into an extended promotional clip,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but if he had allowed some more of 50's music-video swagger and actual rapping into this, it could have been a lot better. For serious fans only.
WHO says they don't remake 'em like used to? Er, nobody right now, but with Hollywood's current love affair with rehashing old favourites set to continue, it can only be a matter of time.
The latest to receive its millennium makeover is Fun with Dick Jane, a contemporary take on the 1977 original which featured Jane Fonda and George Segal.
This screwball comedy, directed by Dean Parisot, stars Jim Carrey and Téa Leoni as Dick and Jane Harper, an upwardly mobile couple with money problems. Catapulted into a downward spiral after Dick (Carrey) suddenly loses his job at Globodyne Inc, theEnron-like megabucks corporation run by shifty CEO Alex Baldwin, the sense of an Icarus-like descent is accentuated by Dick having been appointed Globodyne's director of communications.
Needless to say, a severe case of status anxiety ensues. Repossessed lawns,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], eviction notices and jobs that involve the wearing of name tags eventually leave Dick and Jane faced with the sort of liquidity crisis that could leave Eddie Hobbs lost for words. Drastic measures are called for.
Cue the creation of a couple of slapstick criminals as Dick and Jane select the balaclava option for a campaign of farcical stick-ups and less-than-hilarious heists.
It might be called Fun With Dick Jane, but Jane's absence on the promotional billboards confirms that this film is all about Dick. This is Carrey in typical comedy colossus form, and while he does have his moments,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], even he can't overcome the limitations imposed by the subject matter.
There is only so long you can laugh at set-ups that revolve around terrorising shop assistants, and the script doesn't survive the strain induced by having to reintroduce Alex Baldwin as a baddie worthy of the 'Dick and Jane as latterday Robin Hoods' denouement. In case we don't get the message,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], director Parisot shoehorns in a homage to Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 during a scene that portrays Baldwin as a Dubya-style imbecile.
If you can stomach the slightly icky sense of holier-than-thou Hollywood dissing big business, there are a few laughs and an agreeable 85 minutes to be had with Dick Jane. But it wouldn't be my ideaof fun.
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